Walls up or down?

Exercise: Go on the stage. You must be a rebel leader giving a speech. Not a fighter, not a hero. A leader. You don’t die with a gun, you die in your bed. You must charm us, sweep us into your revolution. Go.

The first student enters. He screams, he blusters, he is shut up by the Prof’s drum after a minute.

Prof: “Should we call the psychiatric hospital? Bon. Go to the hospital. As soon as possible. Would anyone be sorry if this person left the stage? No? Bon. Thank you for that horrible moment.”


I walk on the stage.

Prof: “He is nervous, no?” [Several students agree]. “The young kid from America is nervous. Go again. If you enter nervous, that is all for you today.”

Piece of cake.

So I enter again. By now, most of the room is laughing at me. The Prof turns on music. “The Star Spangled Banner.” It is oddly reassuring. I begin my speech. I picked a topic close to my heart. Everyone stops laughing and watches me. I am continuing my speech.

The Prof starts shouting instructions.

“Taller. TALLER. Walk towards us. TALLER. Walk backwards. Now shut up. Now speak. TALLER. Walk. Shut up. Speak. TALLER. Rise your arms. SLOWLY.”

This continues. Four minutes? Then I let my arms fall. The Prof cringes. He shuts of the music.

Prof “What was that movement, that fast movement? You killed it. You want to be natural on the stage. The stage is not natural. When you move too quickly, the audience cannot dream around you. But sometimes, you were very beautiful. You smile a lot. You want to be charming. We do not like you like this on the stage. Maybe in the life, but on the stage you do not need to try and charm us.”

I said before that I was building a wall around myself to try and stop pleasing people. But maybe what I need to do is lower a wall.